A letter written by a kid who expresses his gratitude to students volunteers ^^

苦乐新生

2010年10月30日

玉樹地震後，大腿三處骨折的梅朵和胸部以下已經癱瘓的爸爸、懷孕的媽媽一直住在西寧紅十字醫院。現在已是一家四口，雖然困苦還在。

雖然是在醫院，依然堅持讀書寫字的梅朵

2010
15:53，“孟老師好，美朵媽媽昨天晚上生了個女孩，現在住在紅十字醫院十一樓三十三床，母女平安，請放心！向順濤”

收到小向的信息，無法說清是什麽感情在心裡，平靜的歡樂或平靜的喜悅，總之，就像這件關乎生命的大事平平靜靜發生了一樣。

（本來這篇日誌應該很長，遺憾的是，營地時時停電，至今（11月2日），水也連續停了多日。網絡不暢，幾次嘗試完善這篇日誌，把梅朵一家的照片和更为详细的情况写一下，均告失敗。似乎在說，新生是喜，新生更是痛苦的吧！無論母子。）

认识梅朵一家并不是在玉树，而是送巴桑卓玛去红十字医院治疗的时候。先见到了刚刚拆去腿部钢板的梅朵，住在十五楼病房，那时因为疼痛等原因，她满脸的无奈和痛苦。那是我唯一一次看到她不开心，后来每次都是甜美笑脸和涩涩的羞怯。更为让我佩服的是，几乎每次我们去看望，都是她静静地坐在爸爸病床边的角落读书写字的情景，一年级的孩子，一家人住在医院，只有爸爸一张病床。（拆去钢板，因为没有费用，梅朵当天出院，住到爸爸病床边）那份淡然与安定，实在可贵。

认识梅朵后，又知道她爸爸住在十八楼，胸部以下完全瘫痪。照顾她和爸爸的妈妈怀孕已经八个多月。

这些都是九月中旬的事情。现在他们已经是一家四口了，而且，又像以前一样，梅朵妈妈晚上就睡在爸爸床下的地板上，因为费用问题，她只在妇产科住了两天就出院，一家人围绕在爸爸的病床边。这是苦，还是乐呢？

現在（11月6號）看來是苦的。從前天，梅朵媽媽就在哭訴，因為新生的女兒得了重病，必須住院。今天孩子依然在重癥監護，沒有完全脫離危險，媽媽無法去看望孩子，几天来，一直在无奈的哭泣。據醫生說，孩子還要繼續監護，而這需要大筆住院医疗費用，目前每天大概1800元左右。剛剛，委託雪狼同學把五千元捐款親手交給孩子媽媽才巴毛（捐款來源：馬來西亞精英大學陳心潔老師3000元、成都老沈青年旅社MAKI两千元），以解燃眉之急。

在佛堂點亮所有酥油燈，為這苦難的一家祈福！為孩子祈福早日轉危為安！


※ 此件僅供災區援助工作參考之用，不得用於救災之外的任何目的，不得隨意公開傳播。

转载自：
孟凡龙老师
于十一月六日在博客上载的文章

給妳---親愛的小過

          上個星期回玉樹看妳時, 妳在那里看電視. 我喚著妳的名字, 想起兩個月前我們歡樂的相遇, 留下了一張又一張的照片. 每次在幫妳清洗後, 換上干淨又鮮麗的衣服, 看著你舒服的模樣, 我們總愛把妳當作”模特兒”, 捕捉你的笑顏. 我和佩宜, 永珍, 都感激妳留下給我們的回憶—第一次為你洗頭, 第一次為妳擦身體, 第一次為你修指甲, 第一次為妳買褲子……雖然妳不會說話, 也聽不到任何聲音, 過去21個春夏秋冬在雪域高原中的敬老院中渡過, 但妳是我遇見過最堅強的灾民. 在地震後, 失去奶奶的你, 和爺爺一塊相依為命, 不斷地 教導外來的志願者, 生命的功課.


            記得上回見到妳後, 寫下了這一段文字: “記得那個星期天的早晨, 心里一陣沉悶, 突然間想彈琴唱敬拜讚美的詩歌來, 可是身邊沒有樂器, 也沒有教堂. 和队友們就一起就到了養老院那一帶走訪,帶了幾件捐贈的衣服給這位女孩. 當我們想幫她換衣時, 一位學生就問:”老師, 我們可以先幫她清理一下身體嗎?”, 正合我那時心里的感動. 於是我們三位女性志願者在得到她外公的同意下, 挑了一盆涼水和一锅熱水, 慢慢地用肥皂及毛巾幫她從頭到腳趾清洗一遍. 當我拿著濕巾輕輕往她臉上擦拭時, 喊著她的名字, 她直視著我露出了從容的笑顏, 眼神里盡是智慧及誠實. 我感到自己的不配, 好像耶穌就站在我前面告訴我:”作在這最小的姐妹身上, 就是作在我的身上.” 我突然感覺到為她洗臉洗手是在敬拜我們的天父, 是祂給了我這樣的機會服待祂. 沒有喧嘩的敬拜讚美樂器, 只有她沉默地注視, 刹那間我找不到一個比她的帳蓬更神聖的地方了. 21年來, 在沒有聲音及自由的世界里, 是怎樣的力量讓她生存下來的呵?”


              沒想到, 一個星期後再想去訪妳時,從其它老人那里聽到的是你已經不在的消息! 我一時無法接受, 妳怎麼會突然間走了?! 我以為他們認錯人了, 或者開錯玩笑. 在翻譯員一再的確認下, 的確是妳在前晚去鄉下庙會的途中逝世了. 我一直以為妳身體很健康, 還可以再為妳洗一次身體. 沒想到, 妳比我們都早一步走了. 我沖到妳的帳蓬, 想去印證, 但是只見被木條緊封的門口, 我頓時感到自己就象在耶穌墓穴前失神的瑪利亞, 淚水不止地往下流, 好象妳不在的謠傳已成事實. 當我腦袋開始恢復清醒時, 哀慟的情緒早已在胸口間發動, 一路上啜泣著回到營地. 好像自己的心也跟著妳去了, 我問上帝: “為什麼? 為什麼? 為什麼?” 雖然知道她現在已回天上, 息了地上的勞苦, 不再需要承受身體和心靈的煎熬, 但是一時之間心里有萬般不捨. 哀傷的愧疚感 (“為什麼我不早點來看妳?”), 忿怒 (“為什麼上帝讓這樣的事發生在妳身上?”), 無望感 (“我想跟妳一起走”)等等都排山倒海地淹沒了我.


             小過, 我多麼想用妳能理解的方式對妳說: “謝謝妳, 給了我天使般的笑容和安慰, 給了我對玉樹的愛和希望, 給了我對其它殘疾人士不同的看法, 給了我面對生命難關的勇氣. 對不起, 我不能常陪在妳身邊, 為妳梳洗, 陪妳看書, 和妳玩遊戲. 我也許就象那許多來看妳的基金會般, 只是妳生命中的過客, 給妳找了輪椅, 卻無法陪妳到草地上去徜徉. 我還記得妳喜歡吃的小蛋糕, 和肥皂的香味, 那件妳喜歡的黄色衣服, 上面有個很大的笑臉, 跟妳的氣質特別搭配…” 最後一次與你的接觸, 是上個星期看望妳時, 當我伸出手時, 妳也伸出手來握著我. 雖然妳眼神里有著一絲迷茫, 但我深信, 只要我繼續回來看妳, 妳會記得我的. 沒想到…….


            也許是上天特別眷顧妳, 用這種方式把妳接走了. 一場突發的病, 沒有告別的儀式, 留下的只是我們腦中的回憶和照片. 我走出帳外, 望著冬季里的藍天, 想像著妳就在白雲的那一端, 用妳一貫的笑顏俯視著我, 抬起你的右手招呼我們, 要我們不用擔心妳. 但是我多麼不願意相信, 就是這樣連再會都無法說的情況下, 妳告別了. 但是理智上我相信這是妳自己身體的智慧, 選擇了離開的時機, 在玉樹的雪山上, 妳終於可以展翅飛翔, 跨過人間的疾苦深淵, 朝向旭日的光芒….

小過, 我會永遠懷念你的!

陳心潔
2010年11月3日

她走了

      她走了！虽然我与她相处的时间极短，不过我对她的印象深刻。她是一个自小就患有脑性麻痹的聋哑女孩。被父母遗弃的她只能与外公相依为命。我记得我为了“逃离”有点闷的“心理专家交流会”，我跟随同伴乘着诺布法师的车到了她的家。两位女生合力为她净身，身为男生的我自然回避到屋外。我在等待的当儿，发现了不远处有座被震坏的佛塔。在好奇心驱使下，我爬上了小丘到了佛塔下。佛塔周围凌乱，经像遍地。当我觉得太阳太猛而想离开时，塔前的一尊佛像吸引了我的目光。佛像的祥和似乎没有被凌乱的周遭影响，有种出于污泥而不染的感觉。我想起了在屋内的她，也想起了我自己。我默默地发了一个愿：愿我们都能倾听自己的心声，也能倾听世尊的法音。

      震后的玉树，到处都章显无常的自然规律。我由吉隆坡到了这个灾区，除了感到无奈与无助，竟然也开始自怜了！那些平时被我丢在一旁的情绪和自己极想否定的想法都一一浮现，恐怖得很！我庆幸我不是那么地懦弱，没有沉浸在这种“我是可怜虫”的感觉里。我知道自己有三宝，父母和师长可以依靠，可以慢慢地处理这些情绪。虽然我不一定会向父母师长求助，可是我知道他们随时都会伸出援助之手。

      回到屋内，两位女生已经将她移到轮椅上了。我们推她到了屋外晒晒太阳。我举起相机对着她；她笑了！她有耳朵却不能听，有嘴巴却不能说。现在反照自己却发现我的耳朵听了不少是非恶言，我的嘴巴曾经狠狠地说了伤害至爱的话，令她和我久久都不能释怀。相比之下，我觉得她的内心是比我清静的。当然，我不是在说我们必须眼盲耳聋口哑才能得到平静的心。只是我真的没有真的好好照顾我的六根，到最后伤害自己也伤害别人。她走了！祝她一路好走！小马哥也应该继续上路咯!

      愿佛陀以柔和之手抚平她的亲友的创伤,也牵着她到手让她一路好走。

      愿我的耳朵能听到个案的悲伤，愤怒和失望。

      愿我的嘴巴能给与个案力量，希望和信心。

转载自：
小马在4/11/2010
于面子书上放的玉树日记

一个她走了

冬天真的很残酷。

她走了。

只剩泪两行。

人生就如车站，

人们来来往往，

缘聚缘散

感恩她曾经在我们的生命中出现过。

祝福她永远美好。

Jet Lag_time differences

Click here: CHINESE VERSION 华文版本

      In a six-meter square's hostel, I woke up from a dream about rushing through the completion of certain tasks, and so I scrambled to look for my watch as soon as I woke up. I was afraid that I had confused my time and would miss my next flight, but then I realized that it was just one in the morning. It must be due to the reason that my biological clock still have not been well-adjusted. Yesterday morning, I took a three-hour flight from Texas to California in Los Angeles, and then another twelve-hours flight from Los Angeles to Narita, Japan. I had spent my night in a cramped quarters during my transit at the Narita airport - a place filled the most advanced technology, especially the automatic flushing facility in the toilet. This made me think, , with a tinge of emotion, about how we live on the same planet with so different needs. My two-busy-weeks in the USA are over; just after adapting to the time zone differences, it's time to leave this place again. Suddenly, I realized that my body is aging and I am unable to sustain myself like I used to. I can adjust my physiological jet lag gradually, but my psychological “jet lag” is getting obvious along with time. Perhaps it is because I had to come to America immediately after I had left Yushu, and this brought upon a psychological gap to me – in terms of material right up to the soul.....

        That day, while I was on the 10-hours plus flight to America, I had closed my eyes to imagine the time when I was on a 14-hour bus ride leaving Yushu. Although there were constant provision of meals on board, I just felt as if something was missing. The time taken for both trips is the same, but the trips have brought me to two totally different worlds. I was living in Yushu for three weeks before going to America - a place that does not  require me to wear watches or hang up clocks. People start to work when the sun rises, and go back home when the sun sets. On those days, there were only tents set up beside the river and along the mountains, and a lawn for people to sit on but there were no florescent lights and bathroom tools. Without a mirror, I have learned not to care so much about my appearance during those days. Sometimes, I scared myself when I saw my own reflections on the car windows. However, when this plane landed on the land of America, what I saw were endless highways, all kinds of transports that were operating according to time, and office workers carrying a Blackberry. These speeding appearances of this city caused me to feel anxious and tensed. The taxi drivers were polite to me because they were expecting tips from me. I was in a country where providing service is a way for people to make money. In comparison to Yushu, our drivers were Tibetan friends who volunteered to drive us for free to our destinations and for our home visits. No matter how, when I was in Rome do as Romans do, I told myself that I have come to the society with Western capitalism and consumerism. However, in my mind, I am still spending the dollar currency but converting the currency to yuan. Lacking the feeling of feeling back at home, I wondered if it's because USA is no longer suitable for me or I am no longer suitable for the USA?

         Stepping into the hostel that my alma matter in California had prepared for me, I could not help but exclaimed in my heart, “Hey, this is a suite room!” I was stepping on a soft carpet, there was a television and large sofa set in front of me, an attached balcony outside the window, a clean and bright kitchen on my left, a bedroom with a walk-in closet, as well as big side mirrors that touched the ground! I suddenly felt “flattered”, like I did not deserve to live in such luxury space, but at the same time, there was a sense of gratitude arising from within. After I have calmed myself down,  I started to think again, “There is something wrong with me; I used to live such life for ten years when I was in USA, but I have never felt this happy and satisfied before. Back then, I did not only have a big refrigerator, a microwave and oven; I also had a toaster and juicer, etc.! So, what were the reasons that made me feel so different this time, just like an old grandma entering into a big beautiful garden?” Later, I concluded that it was due to the “Yushu reaction” – when a person has nothing, he/she will be grateful for whatever given, any material that are beyond our real needs are worthy for us to be grateful for. However, when a person has everything, any little thing that is taken away will cause a sense of loss and suffering. This is why Jesus said that it is difficult for the rich to enter into the kingdom of God. It is because they are unable to see the door to heaven and at the same time cannot put aside all the fame and wealth that they are attached to.

        Of course, not every poor person are without greed. Especially after the earthquake, there were those who had received a little welfare support realized that they could take advantage of it to earn money by liaising with various NGOs and make themselves looked like beggars. However, there were also those who felt really contented, those who felt that they lack nothing. They do not need to be wealthy and they will still be thankful, as long as their family members are still alive and safe, even if it means losing a leg. In Yushu, I did not only learned the meaning of contentment from the victims, but also felt the joy and happiness from the selfless volunteers. These memories constantly flashed in my mind, especially when I was in San Diego to attend the 118^th Psychology Congress with more than 20,000 psychology experts who were climbing the academic ladder. All of them were talented and knowledgeable, relying on project funds to publish article after article, book after book. More than a dozen of publishers would give discounts and lucky draws to encourage these scholars to purchase, in order to earn from selling their textbooks and psychological testing tools. Walking into the general assembly hall, I remembered seeing her in Yushu – a 21 year-old girl  suffering from cerebral palsy at a young age, besides having multiple disabilities like deafness and dumbness. I was told that she was abandoned by her parents at birth, and was brought up by her grandparents in the nursing home. However, her grandmother died in that earthquake leaving her with her grandfather to live in a broken tent. Her grandfather does not really know how to take care of her, and always had the lower part of her body wrapped in cotton clothes. Therefore, the disabled girl always left her pieces of foods, faeces, urine and even menstruation waste sticking to her body. Most people would treat her as a retarded person and her tent was always stinking with a pungent smell and filled with flies. The grandfather even said that if there comes a day when he can no longer support her, he will just take a knife and kill his granddaughter and then himself.

      I remembered on one Sunday morning, I felt tedious and I had a sudden urge to play the piano and sing songs of praise and worship, but there were no musical instruments and neither was there a church. Then, I went to visit a nursing home with my teammates, and brought along a few donated clothing items for this girl. Just as we were about to change her clothes, one of my students asked me, “Teacher, can we help her to clean her body first?”. I was touched. We the three female volunteers carried a pot of cold water and another pot of hot water, slowly cleaned her with soap and towel from head to toe, with her grandfather's permission. As I gently wiped her face with the wet towel and called out her name, she looked at me with a calm smile, her eyes were full of wisdom and honesty. I felt unworthy, as if Jesus was standing in front of me saying, “what you are doing for this little sister, you are doing it for Me.” I suddenly felt that washing her face and hand was actually worshiping our Father – it was Him who gave me this opportunity to serve Him. Even though there were no music by the musical instruments but only her silent stare, I could not find another more sacred place than her tent at that moment. What was the strength that has helped her to survive these 21 years without sound and freedom?

        Returning to the hotel in USA with the luxurious décor, with the gym and pool outside the window, and people displaying their perfect skin and body under the sun, my friends who drove luxury cars came and fetched me for dinner. We talked about various American issues such as the fear of an economic downturn, on the table with overflowing bread and beef, as well as French fries. Suddenly, the bag of potatoes and meal table in Yushu's tent came back to my mind. My friends kept persuading me to stay and develop my career in USA since the living environment and working conditions here are much better than in Malaysia. I smiled and shook my head, today is different from yesterday, because the psychological impact of "jet lag" that Yushu had subverted on me is indescribable.  In Yushu, I cried, I laughed, I went crazy, I felt pain but I had also felt that I had truly lived. Perhaps, the most comfortable and beautiful season has already passed now, the grass turning yellow, rain are falling continuously in the autumn time. I still believe that God is sitting on that mountain and He promised that though sorrow may last for the night, joy shall come in the morning. No matter the rich in the United States or the poor in Yushu, there are no differences. God wants us to understand the secret of settling down our minds, do what we suppose to do, despite the circumstances, and in both good and bad times!

Rachel Ting

24th August 2010
(on board the flight from Japan to Kuala Lumpur)

Special thanks to our translator: Jasmine Chua