As the Longjing tea in my glass began to settle, so did my emotions gradually formed into words. I was back to Yushu and three weeks later, I bade farewell to my three accompanying graduate students. As I lied down on the green grass under the sun, I remembered how they had reluctantly said to me before leaving, “Teacher, we don’t want to go home…”
I remembered how my anxiety level gradually increased when I had decided to return to Yushu two months ago, bringing along my students with me. From the point of announcement right up to recruiting students, I have been constantly worried. “Will they be able to adapt to the altitude sickness?” Will they be able to live as a group and yet work independently? Can they embrace the lives and the psychological state of the Tibetans? Will they be able to adapt to the local health habits? Instead of being helpful, will they in contrary become a burden to the local people?” I have received an overwhelming response from the Psychology students, and I was in straitened circumstances because the university had only agree to sponsor two students, when there were more than 30 enthusiastic students who applied to join this trip. After negotiating with various parties, the university had eventually allowed me to bring along two separate groups of students to embark on a journey of “Earthquake Psychological Relief work ”. Students who were unable to go had also contributed significantly behind the scenes by organizing the “Disaster Awareness Day” – a charity drive to raise funds for the Yushu victims. For two whole weeks from morning till evening, the students set up food stalls selling sandwiches, bubble tea, cakes, etc. Their selfless effort, their pure faith to their contribution, and their trust of never being concerned about whether their efforts will be worthwhile nor questioning about the nature of the donations or drive, made me feel both touched and ashamed at the same time. They had only sacrificed their time and effort without expecting anything in return.
Upon arriving in Yushu, we took a fourteen hour car ride to the relief site. At the campsite, we found that the local conditions were better than what we had expected. This time, we can live in big tents, and there were military aircraft-style tilted beds and quilts, etc. Besides, they now have a kitchen where cooking can be done, and there were even light bulbs – although electrical supply was limited. However, it was not easy for the students coming from a city to adapt to the harsh living conditions. Besides from getting used to using toilets without a toilet bowl but only open-air latrines, they came from a country with a tropical climate and are used to bathe and wash their heads on a daily basis. Besides they were used to doing their laundry frequently, and now they had to get used to life without showering and washing clothes. There were only two huge buckets of water to cater for the whole camp, and the water tap is only available for use three times a day (which is half a kilometer away). Hence, we relied on the volunteers to make numerous trips back and forth to get some precious water for us to boil drinking water, wash the vegetables, cook, wash dishes, etc. As such, using the water for shower, laundry and other purposes become less important. Initially, they were so used to wait for everything to be prepared readily for them. Then, I started getting impatient and told them directly to help out in washing the dishes, carrying and boiling the water. At times I felt like a mother who was teaching her children to do house chores. I would even stand aside and observe on whether they would take their own initiative. Later on, my good friend reminded me that to be a good teacher I needed to be patient and I have to start by setting myself as a good example for them. I started to think for them that this was their first time in rural place in China, and besides it was a disaster site – they did require some time to adapt. Besides, they have met the peak time of volunteers in which the site required volunteers to deal with volunteers coming from north to south. Team work is not as easy as people thought, especially when it was full of people with differences in background, lifestyle and communication styles. However, I truly admired the simple- mindedness that these students have; they always being respectful and polite to everyone they came across, and had never gossiped amongst themselves. However, due to their young age and their background of receiving Western style of education, I had to remind them about the Chinese culture to be mindful about status and identity in a society.
In these few weeks, we visited the wounded, the orphans, and the old folks during the daytime. Sometimes, we also went to schools to distribute “Happy Packs” for the students and capturing their happy faces with our camera. At nights, we have our own free time to do the things that we would like to do. Normally, the students were in-charge of the task of interacting with children, by using drawings, games etc. to build friendships. After that, we will only pay our concern to the needs of the families. Thanks to the help provided by the students this time, my workload was a lot lighter compare to my last visit and I could just focus on talking to the wounded adults who were bedridden as well as other adults. The tasks I had been focusing on this time were on those who were seriously wounded and had just been brought home from neighboring hospitals, such as those who were semi-paralyzed, suffered fractures, or were handicapped. Working with them became harder for me because their physical conditions will never fully recover. The donated items that we had brought were just temporary assistance. Instead, they had to cope with the fact that they need to spend the rest of their lives bedridden or on wheelchairs. If both husband and wife are paralyzed, then how about the lives and education of their children? If a young girl is paralyzed, who will want to look after her who is wheelchair-bound for the rest of their lives? Be it the sufferers or carers, they all require an enormous amount of hope and determination to move on. Fortunately, there is a strong sense of belonging and social support is provided for other people and are not restricted to their own families only. When a family has received help from others, they will share their resources with other families as well. As for those of us who came to provide “psychological assistance”, we had to take the initiative to learn their way of seeking help and their ways to help others, as well as their self-healing methods.
I remember in the few days when we had first arrived, one of my students have shared with me about how he felt a “sense of helplessness” upon seeing the destruction of the site, because he didn’t know what he could do to help them. It seems like neither the class lessons nor the textbooks have taught them how to live, interact, cry and laugh together with the less fortunate. I agreed with his sentiments, for this is how the outside “experts” will feel. However, the real challenges were about how we faced and overcame our limitations. Some will retreat back to their comfortable zones in the field of academics, seeking for the conditions that can affirm their ego such as degrees and qualifications, or by trying to portray themselves as "the dominator". Some will attempt to deny or minimize the needs of the victims, dehumanize the victims and building up a defensive wall to protect themselves and forbid others from entering into their world. Some will create their alliances and organizations with people who have the same thoughts as them, and then magnify their abilities and resources by being a “hero” to reduce their sense of helplessness. Some will be in a state of self-pity and project their previous misfortunes on victims hoping to win some sympathy, or find a source of happiness from victims, to eliminate their sense of helplessness. In the end, they appear like a victim more than the real victim here.
I do not have a “magic formulae” to get rid of students' sense of helplessness, as from my personal experience, this is a journey that requires students to search for the way out by themselves in order to move on. Only when we can be honest with ourselves, that we can find our motivations to move on. Therefore, I asked them some self-reflective questions "What strengths do you think you possess? What are the little things that you can do to get yourselves more involved in this community? What do you think are some of the greatest current needs of the victims?” I then reminded them of the strengths and weaknesses that I see in them. Then I put down my unrealistic expectations on them, and allow them to grow at their own pace. During the last week, when I had the opportunity to sit down and talk with them, I realized that they were a lot happier. They had even managed to break out of the box that held many psychologists. When a foreign psychologist asked my students, “What were the kinds of psychological interventions that you had used while you were in the disaster site?” A student promptly answered, “we did not intervene, but we had instead learned a lot from the survivors.” That short answer had left the other party dumbfounded. At this point, I could feel tears of pride welling up from the edge of my eyes. What they have come to understand had really come from their own inner world, but not the ideas that I can instill with any teaching method. Another student also explained that in doing cross-cultural psychological work, the first step is to “empty ourselves”. It is impossible for us to see the real needs of others without empty ourselves. I was pleasantly surprised with their insight and breakthrough because they were honest, nature, real, not expecting a return, and with a heart that is willing to endure hardship. These are also the reasons why they can see what cannot be understood by psychology experts in high status. This is the biggest gain that I had acquired in my two years of lecturing in the university.
Although they have left, they left their wishes behind too. Their words “Teacher, we don’t want to go home” still ring in my ears which corresponds with my feelings. The environments in Yushu played a symphonic music “Goodbye, dear students, goodbye, Yushu, thanks for all the wonderful memories that you have given to me. I hope that you will continue to keep your hearts pure, and may God continue to bless you in every step that you take…”
Dr. Rachel Ting Sing Kiat
17th August 2010
Special thanks to our translator: Jasmine Chua
