Yushu’s love (12) About a normal and simple “barefoot doctor”

click here: Chinese Version 华文版本

                “Lao Wang” “Brother Wang”, this is what everyone in Yushu calls him. They seems like forgot his real name and background. I would like to write a story about him, yet, I scared it is too early to do so. Yesterday, I heard him talked with his hand phone:”To live as a human… Enjoy your life…” I better take this chance to write a story about him.

                I had known Lao Wang since last year August when I brought some student to be the volunteer of Yushu. Lao Wang said to me that he had met me before at the horse racecourse. I am not a good socialiser; I always follow Teacher Meng when I work. I excused myself once he smoke inside the tent. Hence, Lao Wang acclaimed that I am the “little follower” of Teacher Meng. Who knows, he had chance his thought about me after he heard the news of my real identity. When I follow him to visit the earthquake victims, he treats me as a “professional”, just like I need to get some information from those civilians. He asked me with a concern way, “Teacher Tan, how many houses will you visit? What kind of civilians do you visit?” I replied,” Lao Wang, you are wrong. I am here to learn from you. You had been stayed at Yushu since 26^th April, the patients and civilians that you had treat, had farther away than anyone else! We will follow you to the civilian house that you would like to visit!” Later, Lao Wang had understood everything. We as the teachers and students, who just want to follow him, to the house that he visit and we will get to understand and help more victims.

                Lao Wang always wear a red jacket, black sport pant, wear spectacle, has a dark skin and he is a smoker. What the same is, he is from Northeast China's Heilongjiang, who is also the fellow of Teacher Meng, both of them can cook very well. All the civilians of Yushu called him as “doctor”, while he explained:”I am not a doctor. I am just a volunteer who learn medicine from a doctor for 17 days, I am here to help to treat small injury. After the medical team left Yushu, I decide to stay here and help to send some medicine and change gauzes. ““Which field does you from?” My student asked with curious. Lao Wang replied:”I am just a national level baker’s. I had opened a few bread shops in the past 10 years.” “No wonder Lao Wang does not like to eat bread. He only eats a few cakes during his birthday celebration.” That student murmured. “I had eaten bread for one whole week when I first started to learn baking bread.” Lao Wang replied. No matter is a good news or bad news, every thing that came out from his mouth, will turn to gossip news! That’s Lao Wang life’s experiences.

                Every time when Yushu civilians appreciate and thanks him, Lao Wang always told his history again. He always begin from the first time he meet with the “mystery” Teacher Meng and due to his curious about Teacher Meng, he is willing to stayed back in Yushu after the medical team excused themselves from Yushu. Besides that, he always said:” I do not necessary help people do things, unless I am willing to do. I stayed at Yushu because I want to help those victims here.” Later, I only found out that he had been studied in university for Mathematic course! Do not judge book by its cover. Lao Wang always have a messy hair, wear a big spectacle, with a simply and happy attitude, he do have a kind face. “I had worn this red jacket for 3 months. This is because that is the way every civilians recognize me! Every time when I walked on the street, a car will suddenly stopped beside me, that driver will greet me and invited me to their house to treat patients. This is all because of my jacket! If I change it, I scared that civilians could not recognise me!” Lao Wang, who only bath 6 months once, what about his clothes? After the shocked, many civilians who run away had come back to Yushu and most of them were injured. Lao Wang will use this opportunity to help those civilians, so he brought us to follow him. He always asked those civilians whether there are any injured victims. Lao Wang always said that:”I am very happy to follow Teacher Meng steps and worked with all of you. I am really appreciated that I get to learn a lot of different things by helping Yushu civilians. I am so happy and get blessed!”

               I went back to Yushu again in October, which was my first team work with him. We were help to plaster one patient. Begin from gypsum material until bandage, Lao Wang always treats it carefully. He always comforts his patients while he bandaged his patients. Even his bedside manner is better than other specialists’ doctor. Subsequently, we never expect that the patient husband had saw out her plaster! Lao Wang and I were worried about her, I kept quiet when Lao Wang advise her and explain to her about the advantages. “Maybe I can tie it nicely with other material.”Lao Wang was extremely angry and disappointed with her. The effort of find an orthopaedic doctor for her had wasted. Lao Wang never disappointed with that effort but he was worried that his patient will never cure from the diseases, could not get to walk like normal person. With his “anxious” words, I can understand that he would want to use the concept “respect elderly, and love the young” to treat his patients. His words always touch people heart. I still remember that he told me:” Teacher Tan, I don’t really know what to say to you…I am glad that I get to know the friend like you. I just like to see you live happily…it is better to think before you make up your mind! You should take care of yourself first before you make your other decision. ..” I am glad that I get to know a person who can understand other people needs and mentally. Great!

                Most of the long term volunteers always depend on outsider or relationship to get mentally support, so does Lao Wang. Only, he live depends on the cigarette in his hand. Lao Wang, who always had a smile on his face and always say that:”I’m fine, I’m fine”, will fall sick. I always hear him coughing every day and I would also make a joke with him:”Lao Wang, the sound of your cough may be my morning alarm clock!” Actually, Lao Wang does understand that cigarette had damage his healthy. Lately, I heard that he was willing to stop smoking before he left Yushu. I was happy to hear that.

                Since last time I left Yushu, I felt sorry to him. I had made a deal with him to celebrate New Year in Yushu with him, but I had broken the deal. Hence, I will make a call to him and chat with him while I had extra time in United State. However, there’s a serious mood…”That stomach cancer aunt had pass away! I visited her on 20^th morning, but she had passed away at 11pm! I had visited her in the next morning…but… I always accompanied her since she fell sick…I knew that she had not much time to live…but… I never expect that is so fast! Life as a human, must live in happy life!... This is the first time that I felt “helpless”…Oh ya, I had a dream about her last night…”

“Oh?” That was my first time heard about Lao Wang talked about his dream.”Is good dream or bad dream?”

“I saw that she smiled at me, she even gave me a thumb up.”

“That is a good dream!” Everyone who passes through Yushu will know their way of appreciation. Lao Wang dream had appeared in front of me.

Although I never seen Lao Wang in a “serious” and “incoherent” look, but Lao Wang turned his topic very fast. His tone returns back to normal and asked, “Teacher Tan, how are you? Do you feel depressed now…”

“Haha…I still hear you talking…”

“But……”

                Lao Wang, Lao Wang, although you don’t really understand that tears represent “sadness”, but I knew that you had been hurt by reality, you also felt “helpless” at the moment. You only thought of getting peaceful moment by your way. Celebrate Chinese New Year along, without firework and firecracker. You cooked a table of dishes, invite elderly and young children together, that is your own happiness! I respect you!

                Oh right, I forgot to say, during his way back to his tent after he treat his patients, he had bitten by Tibetan Mastiff! Although he said that he had won in the battle, but we all knew that is an adventurous scene behind. I only heard that he said,” I had sacrificed my lovely pant…” Simple Lao Wang only had his pant for winter. Unfortunately, I stayed far away from him, could not buy him a new pants. Before I hang up my phone, Lao Wang murmured, “Teacher Tan, please take care of yourself. The job in United State is important, but you could not always think of Yushu, that will affect your quality of work. Don’t always send your money to Yushu, you must leave some for yourself, don’t over spend…” Haha, although he don’t know what big life value is, but Lao Wang always kind and generous. He always visit from one tent to another tent, walk towards civilians and understand their hardness. This is what we called the medium of a barefoot doctor and life.

                Lao Wang, my partner, my brother, I am so glad that I get to help Yushu civilians with you.

Dr. Rachel Ting

22/2/2011


Special thanks to our translator: Yap Yiing Jye

Jet Lag_time differences

Click here: CHINESE VERSION 华文版本

      In a six-meter square's hostel, I woke up from a dream about rushing through the completion of certain tasks, and so I scrambled to look for my watch as soon as I woke up. I was afraid that I had confused my time and would miss my next flight, but then I realized that it was just one in the morning. It must be due to the reason that my biological clock still have not been well-adjusted. Yesterday morning, I took a three-hour flight from Texas to California in Los Angeles, and then another twelve-hours flight from Los Angeles to Narita, Japan. I had spent my night in a cramped quarters during my transit at the Narita airport - a place filled the most advanced technology, especially the automatic flushing facility in the toilet. This made me think, , with a tinge of emotion, about how we live on the same planet with so different needs. My two-busy-weeks in the USA are over; just after adapting to the time zone differences, it's time to leave this place again. Suddenly, I realized that my body is aging and I am unable to sustain myself like I used to. I can adjust my physiological jet lag gradually, but my psychological “jet lag” is getting obvious along with time. Perhaps it is because I had to come to America immediately after I had left Yushu, and this brought upon a psychological gap to me – in terms of material right up to the soul.....

        That day, while I was on the 10-hours plus flight to America, I had closed my eyes to imagine the time when I was on a 14-hour bus ride leaving Yushu. Although there were constant provision of meals on board, I just felt as if something was missing. The time taken for both trips is the same, but the trips have brought me to two totally different worlds. I was living in Yushu for three weeks before going to America - a place that does not  require me to wear watches or hang up clocks. People start to work when the sun rises, and go back home when the sun sets. On those days, there were only tents set up beside the river and along the mountains, and a lawn for people to sit on but there were no florescent lights and bathroom tools. Without a mirror, I have learned not to care so much about my appearance during those days. Sometimes, I scared myself when I saw my own reflections on the car windows. However, when this plane landed on the land of America, what I saw were endless highways, all kinds of transports that were operating according to time, and office workers carrying a Blackberry. These speeding appearances of this city caused me to feel anxious and tensed. The taxi drivers were polite to me because they were expecting tips from me. I was in a country where providing service is a way for people to make money. In comparison to Yushu, our drivers were Tibetan friends who volunteered to drive us for free to our destinations and for our home visits. No matter how, when I was in Rome do as Romans do, I told myself that I have come to the society with Western capitalism and consumerism. However, in my mind, I am still spending the dollar currency but converting the currency to yuan. Lacking the feeling of feeling back at home, I wondered if it's because USA is no longer suitable for me or I am no longer suitable for the USA?

         Stepping into the hostel that my alma matter in California had prepared for me, I could not help but exclaimed in my heart, “Hey, this is a suite room!” I was stepping on a soft carpet, there was a television and large sofa set in front of me, an attached balcony outside the window, a clean and bright kitchen on my left, a bedroom with a walk-in closet, as well as big side mirrors that touched the ground! I suddenly felt “flattered”, like I did not deserve to live in such luxury space, but at the same time, there was a sense of gratitude arising from within. After I have calmed myself down,  I started to think again, “There is something wrong with me; I used to live such life for ten years when I was in USA, but I have never felt this happy and satisfied before. Back then, I did not only have a big refrigerator, a microwave and oven; I also had a toaster and juicer, etc.! So, what were the reasons that made me feel so different this time, just like an old grandma entering into a big beautiful garden?” Later, I concluded that it was due to the “Yushu reaction” – when a person has nothing, he/she will be grateful for whatever given, any material that are beyond our real needs are worthy for us to be grateful for. However, when a person has everything, any little thing that is taken away will cause a sense of loss and suffering. This is why Jesus said that it is difficult for the rich to enter into the kingdom of God. It is because they are unable to see the door to heaven and at the same time cannot put aside all the fame and wealth that they are attached to.

        Of course, not every poor person are without greed. Especially after the earthquake, there were those who had received a little welfare support realized that they could take advantage of it to earn money by liaising with various NGOs and make themselves looked like beggars. However, there were also those who felt really contented, those who felt that they lack nothing. They do not need to be wealthy and they will still be thankful, as long as their family members are still alive and safe, even if it means losing a leg. In Yushu, I did not only learned the meaning of contentment from the victims, but also felt the joy and happiness from the selfless volunteers. These memories constantly flashed in my mind, especially when I was in San Diego to attend the 118^th Psychology Congress with more than 20,000 psychology experts who were climbing the academic ladder. All of them were talented and knowledgeable, relying on project funds to publish article after article, book after book. More than a dozen of publishers would give discounts and lucky draws to encourage these scholars to purchase, in order to earn from selling their textbooks and psychological testing tools. Walking into the general assembly hall, I remembered seeing her in Yushu – a 21 year-old girl  suffering from cerebral palsy at a young age, besides having multiple disabilities like deafness and dumbness. I was told that she was abandoned by her parents at birth, and was brought up by her grandparents in the nursing home. However, her grandmother died in that earthquake leaving her with her grandfather to live in a broken tent. Her grandfather does not really know how to take care of her, and always had the lower part of her body wrapped in cotton clothes. Therefore, the disabled girl always left her pieces of foods, faeces, urine and even menstruation waste sticking to her body. Most people would treat her as a retarded person and her tent was always stinking with a pungent smell and filled with flies. The grandfather even said that if there comes a day when he can no longer support her, he will just take a knife and kill his granddaughter and then himself.

      I remembered on one Sunday morning, I felt tedious and I had a sudden urge to play the piano and sing songs of praise and worship, but there were no musical instruments and neither was there a church. Then, I went to visit a nursing home with my teammates, and brought along a few donated clothing items for this girl. Just as we were about to change her clothes, one of my students asked me, “Teacher, can we help her to clean her body first?”. I was touched. We the three female volunteers carried a pot of cold water and another pot of hot water, slowly cleaned her with soap and towel from head to toe, with her grandfather's permission. As I gently wiped her face with the wet towel and called out her name, she looked at me with a calm smile, her eyes were full of wisdom and honesty. I felt unworthy, as if Jesus was standing in front of me saying, “what you are doing for this little sister, you are doing it for Me.” I suddenly felt that washing her face and hand was actually worshiping our Father – it was Him who gave me this opportunity to serve Him. Even though there were no music by the musical instruments but only her silent stare, I could not find another more sacred place than her tent at that moment. What was the strength that has helped her to survive these 21 years without sound and freedom?

        Returning to the hotel in USA with the luxurious décor, with the gym and pool outside the window, and people displaying their perfect skin and body under the sun, my friends who drove luxury cars came and fetched me for dinner. We talked about various American issues such as the fear of an economic downturn, on the table with overflowing bread and beef, as well as French fries. Suddenly, the bag of potatoes and meal table in Yushu's tent came back to my mind. My friends kept persuading me to stay and develop my career in USA since the living environment and working conditions here are much better than in Malaysia. I smiled and shook my head, today is different from yesterday, because the psychological impact of "jet lag" that Yushu had subverted on me is indescribable.  In Yushu, I cried, I laughed, I went crazy, I felt pain but I had also felt that I had truly lived. Perhaps, the most comfortable and beautiful season has already passed now, the grass turning yellow, rain are falling continuously in the autumn time. I still believe that God is sitting on that mountain and He promised that though sorrow may last for the night, joy shall come in the morning. No matter the rich in the United States or the poor in Yushu, there are no differences. God wants us to understand the secret of settling down our minds, do what we suppose to do, despite the circumstances, and in both good and bad times!

Rachel Ting

24th August 2010
(on board the flight from Japan to Kuala Lumpur)

Special thanks to our translator: Jasmine Chua

Goodbye, Yushu

Click here: CHINESE VERSION 华文版本

           

            As the Longjing tea in my glass began to settle, so did my emotions gradually formed into words. I was back to Yushu and three weeks later, I bade farewell to my three accompanying graduate students. As I lied down on the green grass under the sun, I remembered how they had reluctantly said to me before leaving, “Teacher, we don’t want to go home…”

I remembered how my anxiety level gradually increased when I had decided to return to Yushu two months ago, bringing along my students with me. From the point of announcement right up to recruiting students, I have been constantly worried. “Will they be able to adapt to the altitude sickness?” Will they be able to live as a group and yet work independently? Can they embrace the lives and the psychological state of the Tibetans? Will they be able to adapt to the local health habits? Instead of being helpful, will they in contrary become a burden to the local people?” I have received an overwhelming response from the Psychology students, and I was in straitened circumstances because the university had only agree to sponsor two students, when there were more than 30 enthusiastic students who applied to join this trip. After negotiating with various parties, the university had eventually allowed me to bring along two separate groups of students to embark on a journey of “Earthquake Psychological Relief work ”. Students who were unable to go had also contributed significantly behind the scenes by organizing the “Disaster Awareness Day” – a charity drive to raise funds for the Yushu victims. For two whole weeks  from morning till evening, the students set up food stalls selling sandwiches, bubble tea, cakes, etc. Their selfless effort, their pure faith to their contribution, and their trust of never being concerned about whether their efforts will be worthwhile nor questioning about the nature of the donations or drive, made me feel both touched and ashamed at the same time. They had only sacrificed their time and effort without expecting anything in return.

Upon arriving in Yushu, we took a fourteen hour car ride to the relief site. At the campsite, we found that the local conditions were better than what we had expected. This time, we can live in big tents, and there were military aircraft-style tilted beds and quilts, etc. Besides, they now have a kitchen where cooking can be done, and there were even light bulbs – although electrical supply was limited. However, it was not easy for the students coming from a city to adapt to the harsh living conditions. Besides from getting used to using toilets without a toilet bowl but only open-air latrines, they came from a country with a tropical climate and are used to bathe and wash their heads on a daily basis. Besides they were used to doing their laundry frequently, and now they had to get used to life without showering and washing clothes. There were only two huge buckets of water to cater for the whole camp, and the water tap is only available for use three times a day (which is half a kilometer away). Hence, we relied on the volunteers to make numerous trips back and forth to get some precious water for us to boil drinking water, wash the vegetables, cook, wash dishes, etc. As such, using the water for shower, laundry and other purposes become less important. Initially, they were so used to wait for everything to be prepared readily for them. Then, I started getting impatient and  told them directly to help out in washing the dishes, carrying and boiling the water. At times I felt like a mother who was teaching her children to do house chores. I would even stand aside and observe on whether they would take their own initiative. Later on, my good friend reminded me that to be a good teacher I needed to be patient and I have to start by setting myself as a good example for them. I started to think for them that this was their first time in rural place in China, and besides it was a disaster site – they did require some time to adapt. Besides, they have met the peak time of volunteers in which the site required  volunteers to deal with volunteers coming from north to south. Team work  is not as easy as people thought, especially when it was full of people with differences in background, lifestyle and communication styles. However, I truly admired the simple- mindedness that these students have;  they always being respectful and polite to everyone they came across, and had never gossiped amongst themselves. However, due to their young age and their background of receiving Western style of education, I had to remind them about the Chinese culture to be mindful about status and identity in a society. 

In these few weeks, we visited the wounded, the orphans, and the old folks during the daytime.  Sometimes, we also went to schools to distribute “Happy Packs” for the students and capturing their happy faces with our camera. At nights, we have our own free time to do the things that we would like to do. Normally, the students were in-charge of the task of interacting with children, by using drawings, games etc. to build friendships. After that, we will only pay our concern to the needs of the families. Thanks to the help provided by the students this time, my workload was a lot lighter compare to my last visit and I could just focus on talking to the wounded adults who were bedridden as well as other adults. The tasks I had been focusing on this time were on those who were seriously wounded and had just been brought home from neighboring hospitals, such as those who were semi-paralyzed, suffered fractures, or were handicapped. Working with them became harder for me because their physical conditions will never fully recover. The donated items that we had brought were just temporary assistance. Instead, they had to cope with the fact that they need to spend the rest of their lives bedridden or on wheelchairs. If both husband and wife are paralyzed, then how about the lives and education of their children? If a young girl is paralyzed, who will want to look after her who is wheelchair-bound for the rest of their lives? Be it the sufferers or carers, they all require an enormous amount of hope and determination to move on. Fortunately, there is a strong sense of belonging and social support is provided for other people and are not restricted to their own families only. When a family has received help from others, they will share their resources with other families as well.  As for those of us who came to provide “psychological assistance”, we had to take the initiative to learn their way of seeking help and their ways to help others, as well as their self-healing methods.

I remember in the few days when we had first arrived, one of my students have shared with me about how he felt a “sense of helplessness” upon seeing the destruction of the site, because he didn’t know what he could do to help them. It seems like neither the class lessons nor the textbooks have taught them how to live, interact, cry and laugh together with the less fortunate. I agreed with his sentiments, for this is how the outside “experts” will feel. However, the real challenges were about how we faced and overcame our limitations. Some will retreat back to their comfortable zones in the field of academics, seeking for the conditions that can affirm their ego such as degrees and qualifications, or by trying to portray themselves as "the dominator".  Some will attempt to deny or minimize the needs of the victims, dehumanize the victims and building up a defensive wall to protect themselves and  forbid others from entering into their world. Some will create their alliances and organizations with people who have the same thoughts as them, and then magnify their abilities and resources by being a “hero” to reduce their sense of helplessness.  Some will be in a state of self-pity and project their previous misfortunes on  victims hoping to win some sympathy, or find a source of happiness from victims, to eliminate their sense of helplessness. In the end, they appear like a victim more than the real victim here. 
     I do not have a “magic formulae” to get rid of students' sense of helplessness, as from my personal experience, this is a journey that requires students to search for the way out by themselves in order to move on. Only when we can be honest with ourselves, that we can find our motivations to move on.  Therefore, I asked them some self-reflective questions "What strengths do you think you possess? What are the little things that you can do to get yourselves more involved in this community? What do you think are some of the greatest current needs of the victims?” I then reminded them of the strengths and weaknesses that I see in them. Then I put down my unrealistic expectations on them, and allow them to grow at their own pace. During the last week, when I had the opportunity to sit down and talk with them, I realized that they were a lot happier. They had even managed to break out of the box that held many psychologists. When a foreign psychologist asked my students, “What were the kinds of psychological interventions that you had used while you were in the disaster site?” A student promptly answered, “we did not intervene, but we had instead learned a lot from the survivors.” That short answer had left the other party dumbfounded. At this point, I could feel tears of pride welling up from the edge of my eyes. What they have come to understand had really come from their own inner world, but not the ideas that I can instill with any teaching method. Another student also explained that in doing cross-cultural psychological work, the first step is to “empty ourselves”. It is impossible for us to see the real needs of others without empty ourselves. I was pleasantly surprised with their insight and breakthrough because they were honest, nature, real, not expecting a return, and with a heart that is willing to endure hardship. These are also the reasons why they can see what cannot be understood by psychology experts in high status. This is the biggest gain that I had acquired in my two years of lecturing in the university.

Although they have left, they left their wishes behind too. Their words “Teacher, we don’t want to go home” still ring in my ears which corresponds with my feelings. The environments in Yushu played a  symphonic music “Goodbye, dear students, goodbye, Yushu, thanks for all the wonderful memories that you have given to me. I hope that you will continue to keep your hearts pure, and may God continue to bless you in every step that you take…”

Dr. Rachel Ting Sing Kiat

17^th August 2010


Special thanks to our translator: Jasmine Chua